Aeglaeca

Archive for the ‘Darkness’ Category

I have already documented these things and my boyfriend and my Dad and my lawyer have copies.  There is also a copy in the lock box in my house.  But due to recent insanity I feel the need to make perfectly clear to everyone who I did not give a copy to my final wishes. 

My Financial Powers of Attorney are to be my current boyfriend and my Dad who know that everything I have is to be put aside for my children for their care and for college.  All of my life insurance and retirement accounts name my boyfriend and my dad as co-beneficiaries on behalf of my underage children.  All of my life insurance and retirement accounts are administered though my employer.  I currently have credit insurance on everything so all of my outstanding bills should be paid upon my death.  Whatever is in my checking account can be used to handle final expenses as described below:

I request that the following instructions and preferences be honored after my death:

Part 1. Body Donation

I have not made arrangements to donate my whole body.  I do not want my whole body donated.

Part 2. Organ Donation

I have not made arrangements for organ donation.  I would like my organs donated if they are viable.

Part 3. Cremation Instructions

A. Mortuary or Crematorium

I wish to be cremated.

B. Embalming

I do not wish to be embalmed.

C. Casket

I do not want my body placed in a casket prior to cremation. I do not want any unnecessary funds spent on the disposal of my remains.

D. Pre-cremation Ceremony

No ceremony wanted.

E. Witness to Cremation

No preference.

F. Where and How To Scatter Cremated Remains

I would like my remains scattered to the four winds.

G. Memorial Ceremony

I do not want any kind of funeral ceremony before or after my cremation.

Part 4. Person to Oversee My Wishes

I want my boyfriend to oversee the plans I’ve set out in this document.

Signature

I declare that I have read these instructions and that they accurately reflect my wishes for final arrangements after my death.

I have no purpose for living
But death would be too easy an out
Too good for someone as vile as I
So I must suffer through
Living in the purgatory created just for me
For I was not made to be loved or to love
I was made to die, I was made to cry
I was made to crumble beneath the tragic life I was handed
I die with a clear conscience, I never lied
I cry for my two beautiful, innocent children
But they would do better without me
Everyone would be better served if I did not exist
I am not capable of living in the world
I cannot conform to the evils of this society
I cannot accept the cruelties that are the rule
Instead of the exception – as it should be
Since I am the virus…
Then it is I that should be eliminated
I go gladly, willingly… with a smile on my fractured face
Please let me die

SOURCE

External oppression is the unjust exercise of authority and power by one group over another. It includes imposing one group’s belief system, values and life ways over another group.

External oppression becomes internalized oppression when we come to believe and act as if the oppressor’s beliefs system, values, and life way is reality.

“Self-hate” and “internalized racism” are other ways of saying internalized oppression.

The result of internalized oppression is shame and the disowning of our individual and cultural reality. Without internalized oppression, we would not now have previously unseen levels of violence, especially against women and children.

Drunkenness, disrespect for God, fighting, cussing and disrespect for women were “foreign” behaviors modeled by the Cavalry, and eventually worked their way into our communities through internalized oppression.

Internalized oppression means the oppressor doesn’t have to exert any more pressure, because we now do it to ourselves and each other. Divide and conquer works.

We resist internalized oppression by relearning how to live respectfully and harmoniously together — without violence.

 

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This explains a lot as to why we sometimes feel tortured by our own choices, doesn’t it?

WRITING PROMPT: After returning from work, you walk into your house and notice an item that wasn’t there when you left in the morning. What room were you in, what was the item and how did it get there?

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Just another day lost to the corporate monster. Finally, I get to go home and relax. No phones, no e-mails… just a nice glass of tea and some mind-numbing television.Lovely, he didn’t shovel the driveway. I pulled the car into the garage and shut the garage door. As I opened the door into the house and walked in everyone suddenly seemed very busy with whatever they were doing. For some reason, my family’s behavior seemed odd to me but I was tired and just wanted to rest so I forgot about it.

I went upstairs to the kitchen and made myself a glass of iced tea. I went to sit at the dining room table and turned on the TV in the living room. It was then that I noticed the wristwatch on the table.

My son came bounding in looking for a snack. “Is this your watch?”
“nope…” he garbled as his mouth filled with cookie.

I called my daughter to come upstairs and asked if it was hers or belonged to one of her friends. She too denied any knowledge of the watch.

The question now was… who had been in my house? Where did the watch come from? And did I dare pose the question to Joe – did I really want to hear the answer. My stomach began to sink.

“Joe, could you come up here for a minute?” He grumbled and said he’d be up ‘in a minute’; which always meant an hour. I just wasn’t important enough to disturb his video game.

A while later, after all of the conspiracies had plenty of time to formulate in my head, he came upstairs. I hid the watch. “Did anything happen today? Anyone stop by?”

“No, why?” I thought he looked nervous.

“Well, it’s just that I found something here on the table that doesn’t belong here. I was wondering where it came from.” Now I’d set the trap.

“What was it?”

“Nothing, I guess. It doesn’t matter. I’ll find out sooner or later.” With that he figured his part of the conversation was over. I decided to hide the watch until someone came looking for it.

Several days later after getting home from work early…

“Did you see a watch on the dining room table?” asked Joe, like he was asking me to pass the salt.

“Since when do you wear a watch?” I asked, knowing full well that he never wore one.

He balked. It was only for a second but I saw it. “It was a gift for my mother.” He stammered.

“Really? You never even talk to your mother. And it’s nowhere near her birthday.”

He started heating up. “Just give it back!”

“And the inscription on the inside of the band is ‘S.E.M.’… what I can only assume are initials. But those are not your mother’s initials.” I really had him sweating. ” Why don’t you tell me who it really belongs to and what they were doing in my house?!”

“Just give it back! I need to return it!” He was yelling now. He knew that he was caught in his own web of lies.

“To whom do you need to return it? I’m not giving it back unless you tell me the truth.” I spoke calmly and quietly, then paused for a moment. “In fact, I won’t return it to you at all. You can have the owner drop by and I’ll give to ‘her’ personally.” We both knew it was a ‘her’.

“Okay, I fucked up…,” he looked at his feet and shifted uneasily from side to side. “The watch belongs to a woman that I know and she stopped by here earlier this week.”

“And?” I knew what was coming.

“And I’ve been sleeping with her…” he waited for the explosion.

But to his confusion I didn’t react. I told him to wait and I would go and get the watch. I’m sure he thought I was despondent… too destroyed to even go into a jealous rage.

I went downstairs and into the bedroom. I had hidden the watch in my dresser. I got it and put it in my pocket. I stood there for a moment thinking about all the times he’d cheated. No… this wasn’t the first.

I didn’t think I could ever feel this way. Could it have finally come to this?

I went around to the other side of the bed and opened the bottom drawer of his bed stand. I retrieved the 9mm and the loaded clip lying next to it. I put the clip into the gun and pulled back the hammer. It was then that I realized what I was about to do – what HAD to be done.

I went upstairs and walked into the living room area and he was still standing there by the dining room table, wringing his hands. He looked up and I shot him. Center mass… his shock was palpable, I nearly laughed. I walked over and lovingly put the watch around his wrist. I whispered in his ear, “It’s over.” I stood up and shot him in the head at point blank range.

I went back downstairs and dutifully cleaned the gun before putting it away. The kids would be home from school soon.

Then I shook him awake. “Joe! Wake up!” He was sweating and writhing in bed next to me. When he finally came out of it he looked at me like I was the devil herself. He never did tell me what the nightmare was about. Oddly, he checked the bed stand before he left the room.