Minion!!!
Current Mood:
*Wink* & 
Amused
What do you get when…
…you watch way too much YoGabbaGabba with the kids then eat some bad fish that results in being up sick all night….
An open letter to DJ Lance Rock and Co.
There most certainly is not a party in my tummy tonight.
“Try it, you’ll like it.”
“I like fish, I like fish!”
Sage advice all, sir, but no…
Whilst my fish dinner at the eating seemed to be a delite to my palate… that fish turned it’s tail on me.
Some gangland violence in my stomach and a third-world uprising in my esophagus but most assuredly not a party in my tummy.
Perhaps I should have told the fish not to bite his friends! Or maybe my lovely piece of fishy met up with the tiny ugly germs. I’m sure the morning will reveal that swimmer’s true nature.
For now, I must consume yet more antacid in hopes of some small relief.
Good night to you sir.
Not too bad for 3AM brain-addled, stomach-cramping ramblings eh?
Current Mood: Amused
Parent Job Description
PARENT- Job Description
This is hysterical. If it had been presented this way, I don’t believe any of us would have done it!!!!
POSITION:
Mum, Mummy, Mama, Ma
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop
JOB DESCRIPTION:
Long term, team players needed, for challenging, permanent work in an often chaotic environment.
Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities!
Travel expenses not reimbursed.
Extensive courier duties also required.
RESPONSIBILITIES:
The rest of your life you…
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5..
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets
and stuck zippers.
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next.
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product.
Responsi bilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.
POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
None.
Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills,
so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
None required unfortunately.
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
Get this! You pay them!
Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent.
When you die, you give them whatever is left.
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
BENEFITS:
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.
Forward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis, letting them know they are appreciated for the fabulous job they do… or forward with love to anyone thinkin g of applying for the job.
**AND A FOOTNOTE ‘THERE IS NO RETIREMENT — EVER!!!
Current Mood: Amused & 
Doh!