Think before you speak…
In the February issue of Whole Living the question was asked… What’s the best way to give criticism? There were three responses to the question. One from career coach, Jodi Glickman, author of Great on the Job; one from writing instructor, Marion Roach Smith, author of The Memoir Project; and one from a Buddhist, Mark Matousek, author of Ethical Wisdom. All of the responses were helpful and insightful but I wanted to share Mark’s answer which I found to be my favorite…
Before offering criticism, consider your intentions. It’s easy for ulterior motives to color the feedback you give. How are you entering the conversation? With judgement? A desire to control? Are you hoping to intimidate–or to encourage? The Buddha said to ask yourself three questions before speaking: Is it true, is it necessary, and is it kind? [my emphasis] I interpret kindness in this case as constructiveness. If your heart is in the right place and you actually do want to shed light on something to help the other person grow or improve, then that’s the right reason. The truth can hurt–but sometimes the most wise, loving act is to let him feel the sting rather than avoid it. When you speak from a compassionate, non-attacking position, you’re on the right track. And the less it’s about you, the better. Lastly, realize that you can give the best, kindest feedback in the world and have it rejected. That’s OK. You give what you can, give it with love, and the rest is up to the recipient.
Matousek, Mark, Jodi Glickman, and Marion Roach Smith. “In Balance – Uncommon Wisdom / Insight Rountable – Everyone’s a Critic.” Whole Living Feb. 2012: 116. Print.
http://wholeliving.com
For more information on what Buddha was teaching investigate Right Speech in the Eight-fold Path.
Current Mood:
Hey there! & 
Thinking!
Quotables…
To me it seems that to give happiness is a far nobler goal that to attain it: and that what we exist for is much more a matter of relations to others than a matter of individual progress: much more a matter of helping others to heaven than of getting there ourselves.
Lewis Carroll
I agree with this. I think I do have an altruistic nature and I’m glad of it. It sometimes gets me in trouble and\or I get taken advantage of but at least I can go to bed each night with a clear conscience and a feeling that I did something good. I hope I can instill in my children a sense of pride in always wanting to help others without the expectaion of rewards; that it will be enough to know they’ve contributed to the happiness and betterment of their community. I guess that kind of thinking flies inthe face of a capitalist society but then… I voted for the socialist…
Current Mood:
Happy & 
Peaceful & Thinking!
things i truly believe #5
Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it. Do not believe in anything simply because it is spoken and rumored by many. Do not believe in anything simply because it is found written in your religious books. Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders. Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations. But after observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it. – Buddha
