Aeglaeca

Archive for the ‘Thoughts’ Category

I love paper, I always have.

It’s a weird obsession that I think started when I was in grammar school. I always loved to pick out my notebooks and folders and pencils! Even in college I always went overboard on supplies. In fact, I still have notebooks, journals, folders and such that I bought while in college sitting in a box under the stairs.

I’ve never been good at keeping a daily journal but I have notebooks full of schoolwork, poems, random thoughts, scribbles… whatever was in my head at the time all over the place (and of course I have a several blog pages).   Then there was a lull… no one was in school and I didn’t have the extra cash or a good reason to buy any wonderful notebooks or crayons or anything.

But then…  I had kids!!! What a bonus! It wasn’t long before I could again buy coloring books and crayons and then markers and poster board, doodle-pads, construction paper, origami paper, journals, diaries with little locks and all number of wonderful paper products. As my kids got older the school supply lists got longer and I always complained about why they needed so much stuff and why do they need a separate color for each class and whatever. But secretly I love it! I love finding matching notebooks, folders and binders. I love picking out pencils and pencil cases! I love the little pocket dictionaries! I love making cool little name labels for all their stuff and sticking them all over everything (though they are getting too old for that now — but soon the twins will need Mommy to label all their stuff!) 

We just went school supply shopping tonight and even though I am tired out from running all day with the twins I am still in a good mood.  This year I even found little tiny composition notebooks! I found Austin a matching DC Comics notebook and folder and I found a cool graphic arts\tattoo set for Katey (even though she insisted she didn’t need any notebooks).  My kids don’t seem to like it as much as I remember enjoying it… more importantly they don’t seem to notice (or care) that at the end of school shopping each year there’s always a few extra notebooks, folders, pencils, pens, etc. that get ‘put up’ in case they are needed later or well…. maybe Mom can use that extra stuff for work.   I know it’s a bizarre compulsion but it’s one I’m not yet inclined to curb! Besides, it fits in nicely with my magazine addiction and my bibliophilia!

P.S.  If you were wondering… I ended up with some wonderful colored paper, a green notebook, a couple folders,  some extra pens, pencils and a highlighter and a cute little composition notebook!

Current Mood: *Wink* & Happy

When they ask to see your gods

your book of prayers

show them lines

drawn delicately with veins

on the underside of a bird’s wing

tell them you believe

in giant sycamores mottled

and stark against a winter sky

and in nights so frozen

stars crack open spilling

streams of molten ice to earth

and tell them how you drink

a holy wine of honeysuckle

on a warm spring day

and of the softness

of your mother who never taught you

death was life’s reward

but who believed in the earth

and the sun

and a million, million light years

of being

1986 J.L.Stanley

Current Mood: Peaceful

To me it seems that to give happiness is a far nobler goal that to attain it: and that what we exist for is much more a matter of relations to others than a matter of individual progress: much more a matter of helping others to heaven than of getting there ourselves.
Lewis Carroll
 

I agree with this.  I think I do have an altruistic nature and I’m glad of it.  It sometimes gets me in trouble and\or I get taken advantage of but at least I can go to bed each night with a clear conscience and a feeling that I did something good.  I hope I can instill in my children a sense of pride in always wanting to help others without the expectaion of rewards; that it will be enough to know they’ve contributed to the happiness and betterment of their community.  I guess that kind of thinking flies inthe face of a capitalist society but then… I voted for the socialist…

http://www.whitehouse.gov/

http://www.barackobama.com/

Current Mood: Happy & Peaceful & Thinking!

Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it. Do not believe in anything simply because it is spoken and rumored by many. Do not believe in anything simply because it is found written in your religious books. Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders. Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations. But after observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it. – Buddha

Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. – Buddha

Endurance is one of the most difficult disciplines, but it is to the one who endures that the final victory comes. – Buddha

Hatred does not cease through hatred at any time. Hatred ceases through love. This is an unalterable law. – Buddha

These teachings are like a raft, to be abandoned once you have crossed the flood. Since you should abandon even good states of mind generated by these teachings, How much more so should you abandon bad states of mind! Conquer the angry man by love. Conquer the ill-natured man by goodness. Conquer the miser with generosity. Conquer the liar with truth. -The Dhammapada

So here I am sitting at my computer after a somewhat harrowing day and a half with my kids.  They are both grounded so the only noise is from my typing and iTunes.  For some reason, I look at the floor to my right… and I see a black bobby-pin.

This is weird for a few reasons….

1. I’m pretty sure it wasn’t there yesterday.
2. I have always had short hair and have never bought any bobby-pins.
3. My Grandma used these exact kind of pins in her hair everyday when she was alive.
4. I have a picture of my Grandma on the shelf just above the spot where I found the pin.

So… I think Grandma is trying to send me a message.  She was a woman of infinite patience and love and is probably looking down at me and my kids and just trying to tell me to ‘breathe’.  I know what she would say if she were here…  ‘God will see me through it.’

I really miss her on days like this.  I love you Grandma.  Hope you and Grandpa are dancing through the halls of heaven.

 

 

 

For JAG

Turn up the radio
I don’t want to hear
Or think
Just let me get lost in lyrics
Loud, hard music
The louder the better
To drown out the truth
The truth that I’ve failed
I’m well aware you know
I don’t need reiteration
From you
Or my shrink
So turn it up
Crank it up
Until it’s deafening
So I can’t hear you
Or them
I want to hide inside the sound