• Verse 4 – No camels
• Verse 5 – No coneys (a translation of the Hebrew Bible word shaphan, in modern English “rock hyrax”)
• Verse 6 – No hares
• Verse 7 – No swine
• Verse 8 - ”Of their flesh shall ye not eat, and their carcass shall ye not touch; they are unclean to you.”
• Verse 10 – “all that have not fins and scales… they shall be an abomination unto you” – so basically No shellfish (shrimp, crab, lobster, etc)
• Verse 13 – No eagles, ossifrage (a kind of vulture) or ospray
• Verse 14 – No vultures or kites (raptors)
• Verse 15 – No ravens
• Verse 16 – No owls, nighthawks, cuckoos, or hawks
• Verse 17 – No little owls, or great owls or cormorants
• Verse 18 – No swans, pelicans, or gier-eagles
• Verse 19 – No storks, herons, lapwings, or bats
• Verse 20 – “All fowls that creep, going upon all four, shall be an abomination unto you.”
• Verse 29 – No weasels, mice or tortoises (I’m guessing turtles would be a no-no as well)
• Verse 30 – No ferrets, chameleons, lizards, snails or moles
• Verse 41 – “And every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earthshall be an abomination; it shall not be eaten.”
• Verse 42 – “Whatsoever goeth upon the belly. and whatsoever goeth upon all four, or whatsoever hath more feet among all creeping things that creep upon the earth, them ye shall not eat, for they are an abomination.” – So basically no snakes, centipedes, millipedes – pretty much no bugs (except locusts which are deemed okay in verse 22).

It goes into detail in verses 30-40ish about how these “unclean” animals are not only to be avoided as food but that if they come in contact with or if their carcasses come in contact with anything then those things are basically contaminated and we are forbidden from them as well.

So you’re probably wondering… why do I care?  Well doesn’t this seem just a little bit over the top?  I know that I’m not going to give up bacon or shrimp to name a few favorites.  I mean, truthfully, I probably wouldn’t have eaten many of these animals anyway but I fail to see the reasoning for them being banned.  Further…. I point this out because of the hypocrisy.  This is the same book of the Bible that homophobic right-wingers like to quote from when they try to defend their anti-gay propaganda. (See Lev 18:22 or 20:13)

So, here is my question for the masses… why should we vehemently follow the “anti-gay” verses but not the ones about naughty tasty animals?  Or how about the versus dictating that “they shall not make baldness upon their head” (Lev 21:05) boy that would put a dent in some fundamentalist hair-dos (or lack therof).  How about Lev  19:28 which says “Ye shall not make any cuttings in your flesh for the dead, nor print any marks upon you” – No tattoos!

I could go on – the entire book of Leviticus is a plethora of hypocrisy and unreasonable rules.  So why oh why??? Why would anyone trying to prove a point use this as ammunition?  I’m bewildered, befuddled… mystified!  (Guess I’m not a)dumb b)gullible c)fundamentalist enough to get it.)

Help celebrate a year of Domestic Partnership Protections in Wisconsin!

Remember folks… it’s not about gay rights — it’s about CIVIL EQUALITY!!

I think I’m gonna go have some bacon-wrapped shrimp while I think about a design for my 6th tattoo…

Current Mood: Aaarrggghhh!!!!! & Doh! & Naughty & On my soapbox

This is hysterical. If it had been presented this way, I don’t believe any of us would have done it!!!!

POSITION:

 Mum, Mummy, Mama, Ma
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop

JOB DESCRIPTION:

Long term, team players needed, for challenging, permanent work in an often chaotic environment.
Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities!
Travel expenses not reimbursed.
Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES:

The rest of your life you…
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5..
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets
and stuck zippers.
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next.
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product.
Responsi bilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:

None.
Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills,
so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:

None required unfortunately.
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION:

Get this!   You pay them!
Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent.
When you die, you give them whatever is left.
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS:

While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.

 Forward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis, letting them know they are appreciated for the fabulous job they do… or forward with love to anyone thinkin g of applying for the job.

**AND A FOOTNOTE ‘THERE IS NO RETIREMENT   —  EVER!!!

Current Mood: Amused & Doh!

The Unborn

Very slow going and predictable.  Frights were few and far from fantastic.  The climax (if you want to call it that) was weak at best.  The ending leaves you with a question mark… however, if you’d been paying attention (I know it’s hard) you’d have already figured out what the ending would be.  I guess the young viewers will get a jump or two and I do have to give it a couple points for the creepy kid.  Wishing I had my $3.99 back though, damn pay-per-view,  glad I didn’t pay to see this crap at the theatre.  I definitely will not be buying the DVD but you can if you want.

Current Mood: Movie Review & Noooooooo

Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus (2009)

 Starring:

Plot: Prehistoric sea creatures frozen while locked in battle millions of years ago are released from their icy tomb by an illegal sonar device test perpetrated by the US military. Chaos ensues…

Emma, a rogue oceanographer chasing some whales in a ‘borrowed’ mini-sub, inadvertently stumbles into the test area of a LFAS (Low Frequency Active Sonar) test.  Just before bailing from the massive destruction caused by the sonar she thinks she’s sees ‘something’ in the ice.

Fast-forward to an offshore oil rig near Tokyo that gets pulled under by the… dum, dum, dum… Giant Octopus!  The sole-survivor of which is interviewed by our hero, Dr. Shimada.

Now cut to a jumbo jet that is coming in for a landing over the San Fransisco Bay that literally gets chomped out of the sky our larger than life friend, Mega Shark! 

Enter our heroine… Emma’s boss wants her to look at a dead beached whale that has unusual wounds… ‘obviously caused by the rotor of a ship’.  When she suggests otherwise she’s ushered off the scene but sneaks back in later to ‘borrow’ a piece of evidence.

Evidence which she shares with our friend the Professor.  It turns out to be a shard of a megalodon (Giant Shark).  Scientifically speaking, I think the movie version of this very real creature was exaggerated size-wise tenfold plus some.

It’s at this point that Dr. Shimada calls the Professor for some advice.  Now our trio is working together to solve the mystery.  Just about the time they are on to something the military breaks in and essentially kidnaps them into service for the government.  Lorenzo Lamas plays a total weasel, in current day politics he definitely would have been part of the Bush Administration.

So they plan to create a lure to entice the creatures into a trap where they can be ‘disposed’ of.  Enter cheesy love-story sub-plot between Emma and Dr. Shimada with a totally imaginary sex scene (you don’t actually see anything) in the utility room.  Their even cheesier pillow-talk (mop-bucket talk?) leads them to the idea of somehow using pheromones to bait the beasts.

The bait works but the military of the US and of Japan are apparently equally incompetent and miss with every shot (even with torpedoes at point-blank range).  So at this point, weasel-boy Baxter suggest nukes.  Emma comes up with a better plan… let the beasts finish their fight and take each other out.

This plan forges ahead and at least five subs and a destroyer are taken out in the process.  Round one definitely goes to the Mega Shark who bites off one of the Giant Octo’s tentacles.  In the final battle it appears that Giant Octo takes Mega Shark to the bottom of the sea but you just never know.

Emma and Dr. Shimada totally hook up after all this nonsense.  But I think the funniest part was the credits…

Giant Seafood, LLC is the author of this motion picture.

LOL, now that’s funny.  The movie itself was also funny if you are into total B-movie bombs. (Which I am.) So, I recommend you add this to your Monstrous Battle Collection and if you don’t have that collection you can start it with this!

Or catch it on the SyFy Channel at 9PM Eastern on August 29th.

Current Mood: Amused & Movie Review

“UHF” turns 20 today!  Congrats to Weird Al on being a true American icon!
GO HERE –>  Weird Al TV on YouTube!  <– GO HERE

Current Mood: *Wink* & Amused & Yeah! Yippee!